Montana Mornings (The Wildes of Birch Bay Book 3) Read online

  He smirked. “I’d take occasional in a heartbeat.”

  “She’s still giving you fits?”

  “Saturday was good,” he said. “Of course, she spent that night with Leslie. Sunday was miserable, and Monday and Tuesday had me wanting to put a fist through the wall. We ended up going to her favorite restaurant for dinner Tuesday night to save my walls, and the rest of the week has been hit or miss. It’s Jekyll and Hyde over here, any day of the week.”

  “That’s too bad. We’ve even chatted in the afternoons a couple of times this week. We sit on this very bench. I was hoping that meant improvement for you, as well.”

  “Afraid not.” He pictured Erica and Jenna sitting where they were right now, and a tiny seed of jealousy planted deep. He’d worked so hard to be what Jenna needed, yet no matter what he did, it never seemed to be enough.

  Was it just a lack of estrogen on his part?

  Or was he simply doing it wrong?

  “I don’t want to discuss Jenna tonight,” he said. Then he took the bottle from Erica. “Let’s talk about something else.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Erica watched the way Gabe downed the wine. This was a man with sharks nipping at his heels while he was just trying to stay afloat. So if he wanted a break from life in the middle of the night, who was she to complain. Sometimes she didn’t want to talk about things, either. “Not a problem for me,” she said. “What other topics are on your mind?”

  He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “Me and you?”

  She blew out a breath. She couldn’t blame him for going there. She had just admitted that she still wanted to kiss him. But still . . .

  “I really don’t know if ‘me and you’ is a good idea,” she told him. “I might be better with a friend right now. Probably better as a friend, as well.” She twisted up her mouth. “That okay with you?”

  Gabe leaned his head back, resting it against the side of his house, and closed his eyes. “Your friendship will always be okay with me.”

  She liked the way he’d said that.

  She shifted to match his position, feet on the ground, head against the house, then she readjusted the blanket, making sure to keep it snug around them both since nights in Montana could get cold. The two of them sat like that for a good fifteen minutes, each in their own thoughts. It was nice being out there. Everything seemed to hover in place around them, just waiting for the world to wake up. And with her eyes closed and the wind quiet, she could make out the sound of the lapping water of the lake.

  This spot soothed her, both visually and in spirit, and she couldn’t help but think of her sister’s plea to buy the fire hall.

  They passed the bottle of wine back and forth until it was gone, and Erica realized she’d inched closer to Gabe. She had her head tucked in against him, his body heat warming her, while his arm wrapped snugly around her shoulders.

  “So has he texted again?” Gabe finally broke the silence.

  He meant JC, of course. But before Erica answered, she took a moment to think about her marriage as an unbiased woman might. Bree had asked how it could have possibly been good given that he’d cheated on her, and Erica had been tossing that question around since. Had it been good? Had she and JC truly been compatible?

  The thing was, she still felt they’d had a good life. That’s why it had been so hard over the summer to hear him say that he wanted her back. Because she’d wanted him back.

  Or, she’d wanted her life back. She still didn’t know if that meant she’d want JC, as well.

  “He called the other night,” she admitted. “But I didn’t talk to him. Then he sent me two dozen roses yesterday.” They currently sat on her desk at school with a note reading simply, “I’m sorry.”

  Gabe whistled through his teeth. “That is one man on a mission.”

  “Yeah, well”—humiliation once again plagued her; she should have tossed the roses in the trash—“then he shouldn’t have slept with my friend.”

  Gabe’s shoulder tensed under her. “Ouch.”

  “Right?” She glanced up, aware that the wine had loosened her tongue, but she didn’t care. She needed to talk about this. To get it out of her head, if for only a moment. “And I got her the job she had at our school,” she added. “JC was a teacher, too. Did I mention that? He’s the principal now, but we both taught together for years in the same building. Then Lindsey’s marriage fell apart, and she had few current skills due to being a trophy wife, so I helped move her to town. I put her and her kids up for a while—with us, if you can believe that—and I put in a good word for her for a receptionist position at our school.”

  Disbelief shone down at her. “And he repays you by sleeping with her?”

  “I do think he waited until she got a place of her own, but I’m not sure that even matters at this point.” She smirked at her own gullibility. “I babysat her kids a few times while she went out with a ‘friend.’ It was no big deal. JC wasn’t home at the time, anyway, and he was usually gone for the entire weekend. Want to guess who that ‘friend’ was?”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “Not even a little. How convenient for her, huh?”

  “So maybe that’s your issue,” Gabe offered. “You’re more mad at your friend than you are at your ex? Maybe that’s why you can’t get over him.”

  That was an interesting thought. However . . . “Lindsey did not force my husband to put his dick inside her. Nor to do it without protection.” She looked directly into Gabe’s eyes, letting him see the depth of her hurt. “He also got her pregnant.”

  His breath whispered across her cheek. “And the hits just keep on coming.”

  “Yeah. She was showing before I found out about them.” She dropped back to his shoulder and decided that she liked that spot. “JC’s and my families are very similar,” she explained. “Both big names in town, though my family is more about generations of town loyalty and hard work, where his is more money and providing jobs. Our divorce was not a quiet thing, nor his cheating, yet due to who we both are, I’ve basically had to pretend that all is fine in my new life for the last two years.” She closed her eyes and added more softly, “He cheated on me, with my friend, made me the laughingstock, and I’ve been the one to have to ‘deal’ with it. I hate him. Yet at the same time . . .”

  “You still think of him,” Gabe finished for her, the puzzlement in his voice not going unnoticed by her.

  She didn’t get it, either. “It’s like I want him back, but at the same time I don’t. Why would I?”

  “Do you know why he cheated on you? Love? Boredom? Simply an asshole?”

  Erica shot him a look. “He told me once that he didn’t love her,” she shared. “He had to be with her because he’d gotten her pregnant—because his family would have his hide if he didn’t—but that he’d rather stay with me.”

  “So he’s just an asshole.”

  She smiled at that. “Possibly.” Then she pictured her ex-friend, and thought about Lindsey’s energy and desire for living life. Lindsey was physically beautiful—far different than Erica’s more plain-Jane looks—and there wasn’t a new experience she wasn’t up for. Even that of stealing one’s husband. And because of all that, she’d had men eating out of her palm her entire life. Erica shook her head at the truth of the situation and looked at Gabe. “He cheated because Lindsey was more exciting than me. You probably remember her. We were roommates in college.”

  His brows went high. “That Lindsey?”

  “The one and only.”

  “I do remember her. But not just from seeing her at your place. She hooked up with Ben a couple of times.”

  “No.” Erica shook her head. “You must be thinking of someone else. Lindsey dated the same guy all through college. They’d been high school sweethearts and eventually married.”

  “Ah.” Gabe looked away, finding sudden interest in the middle of the street. “I must be mistaken.”

  She pushed off him then, sitting up and
turning back to face him. “Seriously?” She gaped. “Ben?”

  Gabe shrugged.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. She cheated on her boyfriend with your future brother-in-law? How? Her boyfriend was at the same school as us. He was over all the time. How did she date someone else right under his nose and not get caught?”

  Funny question since Lindsey had done the exact same thing to her.

  Then Gabe turned a knowing look on her, and her sense of feeling like an intelligent woman shattered. “From what I recall,” Gabe began, “it wasn’t exactly dating that they were doing.”

  “So she’s just a slut.”

  Gabe chuckled. “It was college. Some people were like that.”

  “But I never had any clue that she was. I lived with her for three and a half years, and I always thought that what she and her boyfriend had was perfect. I was so jealous—the whole time—because my high school sweetheart had chosen to go to another school, and broken up with me. Yet hers still loved her.”

  Gabe blinked, an odd expression crossing his face. “You’re talking about your ex-husband?”

  “Right.”

  “And you were jealous of Lindsey all through college because he’d broken up with you?”

  And then she realized her mistake. She’d dated Gabe for two years during that time. “I mean—”

  “You were still thinking about him while you and I were together?”

  Humiliation washed over her, as well as horror at admitting that out loud. “I’m sorry,” she whispered urgently. “I wasn’t really thinking about him the whole time. Not while we were dating. I had a great time dating you.”

  He hadn’t taken his eyes off her. “I had a good time dating you, too,” he said, the words coming out slow. “In fact, I would have sworn at one point that I loved you.”

  She snorted. “Yet you dumped me out of the blue.”

  “But it wasn’t that much of a surprise, was it?” He looked pained. “We’d been heading in that direction since the holidays—when I first suggested you move here after graduation. By the time it happened, I felt you were more relieved than broken up about it.”

  Erica eyed him. He had suggested she move there. While she’d made it clear she saw herself going home. To teach school in the same school system as her parents.

  In the same school as JC.

  “Still,” she muttered, “it was sudden. Like you just woke up one day and your plans had changed.”

  She stopped talking at the look of guilt that couldn’t be missed, and once again felt her IQ drop. She was so naïve.

  “You dumped me for someone else,” she accused.

  “I didn’t sleep with her until after you and I broke up.” His reply came fast. “I swear.”

  “Who was it?”

  Gabe blew out a breath. “Does it really matter? That was a long time ago, and you were thinking about your ex.” He shook his head. “You clearly weren’t that into me.”

  “I loved you, too.”

  Her words took the steam out of him. Then he gave her a sad smile. “But you didn’t love me enough.”

  He had a point. “Maybe neither of us loved enough. At least, not each other.” She glanced down then, looking at her hands where she’d twisted them together in her lap. She tried to tell herself to let it go, but she couldn’t. She had to know. “Who was it?” she asked again.

  Gabe swallowed. “Michelle.”

  “Your wife?”

  “My ex-wife.”

  She shot a pointed look at his ring finger. It was bare, but she knew he hadn’t signed on the dotted line yet. He’d dumped her for another woman. Just like JC.

  Her desirability as a woman crumbled.

  “You met her during spring break?” She knew she shouldn’t be as insulted as she was. Not when she’d just admitted that her ex had remained at the back of her mind all that time. Yet, she was.

  Gabe nodded.

  “Can I see a picture of her?”

  Surprise crossed his face. “Why? You never saw her at school. She lived in LA. We dated long distance for a couple of years after I met her.”

  “Can I just see her?” Something told her that Michelle had a level of class that was missing with Erica. Same as Lindsey. Everyone else had always been just one tiny step better than her. Her mother, her sisters, the other cheerleaders in high school. Erica had been cute, yet she’d been the “ugly” cheerleader compared to the rest of them. The boring one. That’s why she’d been so excited when the star quarterback had asked her out.

  “I don’t carry pictures of my ex,” Gabe told her.

  “Then bring her up on Facebook.”

  “What’s the point?” His confusion was palpable. “And I’m not friends with her on Facebook.”

  “But you can find her, and I can at least see her picture.” She motioned to the pocket she’d seen him put his phone in. “Show me.”

  He dug out his phone. “I don’t understand why it matters.”

  “In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t. But humor me, will you?”

  She could see him trying to decipher her thoughts, but she wouldn’t expose them. They were her thoughts, and she got to keep some things private.

  Only, after he’d keyed in Michelle’s name and turned his phone around for her to see, Erica knew that her self-doubt shone bright. Even in the dark of the night. Michelle was gorgeous. Completely refined. She wasn’t just better than Erica, she was the gold nugget—with Erica nothing more than a common piece of gravel.

  She hated herself for letting that matter.

  “You’re far more beautiful than she ever was.”

  Clearly, he’d figured her out. She couldn’t bring herself to speak, so she shook her head, trying to let him know it didn’t matter that she didn’t add up. He didn’t have to lie to make her feel better.

  She turned back around, leaning against the bench instead of his shoulder, and stared at the road.

  “Hey.” Gabe touched a finger to her chin and brought her face back to his. He stroked the pad of his thumb over her cheek. “One hundred times more beautiful.”

  “Stop it.” Her voice shook. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “That’s not why I broke up with you.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she repeated, her words tight and hard. “It’s ancient history.”

  “Yet I can see that it does. You don’t think you measure up for some reason, and I guess I can get it to some extent. Your husband cheating on you; that’s got to sting. Probably left a scar. But, Erica, his cheating, I swear to you, it had nothing to do with you.”

  “It had everything to do with me.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Gabe heard the heat in the rush of Erica’s words. “How do you figure?”

  She tried to turn away again, but he didn’t let her. This was big for her. Therefore, this was too important to avoid.

  “How?” he asked again.

  “It doesn’t. Never mind. I just—”

  “Answer the question.”

  She glared at him, and he could see her wanting to ignore his demand. To tell him to go to hell. But he refused to back down. He wouldn’t let her ignore this, because there was no chance her husband’s cheating had been on her.

  “How?” he asked more softy.

  “I’m boring, okay?” she spat out. She stood to face him. “And I always have been.” Her quilt slipped to puddle at her feet, and she held her arms out to her sides. “I’m not glitz and glamour. There’s absolutely nothing special about me.”

  “Bullshit.” He stood with her. “Nothing about you has ever been boring. Hell, I couldn’t take my eyes off you the night we met.”

  “Yet, you—”

  “I never once looked at another woman while we were dating. Not the way I looked at you. Not until—” He bit off his words and sent a silent plea for her to understand. For him to be able to explain it in a way that didn’t make things worse. “It’s hard to describe Michelle. She was so ‘Ho
llywood.’ I visited LA with Ben that spring, and everything about the place put stars in my eyes. Michelle came on to me”—he grimaced—“and I was an idiot. I know that. I was mesmerized. But it wasn’t her beauty that did it. It was more her presence.”

  “You mean, she wasn’t boring.”

  “Stop it. No.” He reached for her hands, but she jerked them away. “Not wanting a big-city life, not needing material things, that doesn’t make you boring.”

  “I need things,” she protested.

  “You need people,” he corrected. “You need a purpose. You don’t need cars and jewelry in order to have a rich life.”

  She frowned at his words before grumbling, “Yet you still chose her.”

  “I was an idiot. I told you that. Young and stupid.” He wracked his brain to go back to that time. He hadn’t been lying, he’d fallen in love with Erica. He’d known, even then, that they could be something special. But at the same time, it had almost seemed too easy. Their relationship had fit too well with his preplanned life of coming back home and settling down at the farm—minus the part where she refused to come home with him, of course.

  And then there had been Michelle. She’d been excitement. Different.

  She’d not been the plan.

  He begged Erica with his eyes, not knowing how better to explain things.

  “I was too boring,” she said again.

  He gulped. He’d never once thought of Erica as boring.

  “It’s okay, Gabe.”

  “I swear I never looked at you that way,” he whispered. “Not once.”

  “It really is okay. I know what I am. What I’ve always been. And you followed your heart back then. I have no problem with that.”

  Before he could say anything else, she added, “I followed mine, too.”

  He furrowed his brow.

  “It hurt, you dumping me.” She licked her lips. “But at the same time, I called JC the very next day. We didn’t officially get back together until the summer, after we’d both graduated and moved back home. But we married before the summer was over.”